Chapter 11

BPOV

I hadn't planned for this. Not at all.

Now here I was, more exposed than I had ever been in my life, and it was not because the top half of my body was now void of any clothing in front of a man. I could care less about that.

My exposure also had far less to do with my physical scars, and had all to do with the ones that couldn't be seen. The scars that I never ever let anyone see. I was strong Bella. Sarcastic Bella. A Bella who had a good number of one night stands and short relationships under her belt. I wasn't supposed to care or let people in, and he had changed it all in one moment.

I should have never kissed him, the first time was just to distract him from asking anything about my past. It worked, but I hadn't accounted for my reaction.

Mistake number one.

I had meant the kiss to be sweet, a sort of 'thanks for saving my life' kind of deal, but as soon as my lips touched his, every nerve ending in my body came to life, and I was feeling things I hadn't felt before, like I had been sleeping for my entire life, and had only just now been woken up. I was still so in awe of this new feeling in my body that the closer Edward got, his long fingers wrapping in my hair, his other hand wrapping securely around my waist, the more my body and my senses came alive. My hands grabbed fistfuls of his hair, bringing him impossibly closer. I felt his tongue glide across my lip, and the sparks that I had felt earlier turned into a full fledged explosion. I was feeling everything, and it scared me to my core. Everything I had tried so hard to do, to prevent from happening, happened anyway. Even as I pulled away, I knew it was too late. I was irrevocably changed from that moment. The cotton was pulled from ears and the blindfold had been removed from my eyes.

The sensations I had been feeling while I was kissing Edward, and each time I had kissed him today, it awoke something in me that hadn't been alive in a very long time, and it also pulled every other feeling out. The pain and mental torment from my past was not just in the background, occasional and sometimes embarrassing blips in my life, but was now eating away at my subconscious, leading up to this exact moment with me standing half naked in Edward's living room, my pulse racing and tears falling down my face.

I had never told anyone that Phil had beat me, nobody knew except him, my mother and I, and two out of the three of us were dead, so I never had to worry about anyone discussing it. Of course I have had people ask about my scars. I couldn't wear a bathing suit or even a tank top without some of my scars showing, but I would usually dismiss it as some childhood accident, and people wouldn't need anything deeper than that. I knew what he did to me, had waking nightmares because of it, but to actually verbalize what I went through was a completely different story. I hadn't even gone into the gory details with Edward, simply telling him they were scars from a belt. Edward was shocked, I could hear it in his voice, but I didn't want his pity. Pity couldn't change the past.

I heard him get up, but I was too afraid to look at him, afraid to see pity or disgust in his eyes. I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he spoke my name, and I gasped when I felt his lips brush against the skin. He kissed every scar I had visible, starting at my shoulders and trailing them down my back, coming back up again and kissing them each once more before stopping at the space between the edge of my jaw and my neck. His nose skimmed along my skin, causing my face to flush with heat, and I felt him whisper something into my skin before leaving another kiss at my throat.

"What did you say?" I asked, my voice shaky and breathless. Edward sighed and I felt him straighten up behind me. He turned me lightly with his fingers so now I was facing him, and brought my shirt over me to pull it over my head.

"Don't worry, it's not important," he said softly, pulling my shirt over my head and helping me with the arm holes like I was a child. You would think I would be offended by such an action, but I was too emotionally and physically exhausted to care in that moment.

I forced myself to look at him finally, knowing all too well that he was lying to me about it not being important, but I lost my train of thought when I saw his eyes. His deep blue eyes had changed, and although they were soft, there was something burning behind them, something that I had never seen before, making the color look almost turquoise. We were both lost looking into each other eyes, and it seemed like we stood like that in silence, our eyes only breaking when Edward pulled me into his arms, immediately causing me to melt into his body.

"I want to kill the bastard that did this to you, Bella. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that," he murmured into my hair, pulling me tighter to him, like holding me would make it go away. If only.

"It's not your fault. And besides, fate already beat you to Phil anyways." Edward looked back at me quizzically.

"He got shot in the head in some bar fight shortly after my mom died," I clarified. He looked at me solemnly for a few seconds, like he was debating something and then pulled me hard against his chest again, allowing me to bury my face in his chest and his wonderful scent. He seemed to be doing the same as he kissed the top of my head.

"He deserved a far less easy death than that, for what he did to you." I looked back up at Edward, and again saw the burning in his eyes. He was angry for what happened to me, that was obvious, but there was something else I was still trying to figure out.

I sighed and let my finger trail lazily across his lips. He had such pretty lips. Pink. Soft. Warm.

"I know."

We stood there for a few moments, both of us silent as he held me. I was so tired, the day had been so exhausting on so many levels, I knew I needed to sift through the things that happened to me today, but I was just so tired. Tired of being so emotional, tired of crying, just tired of being at this moment. Edward seemed to be reading my mind, because a few seconds later, he moved us toward the couch and pulled me beside him.

"Lets just forget about all this shit, and watch some stupid as fuck movie." He smiled at me, I nodded, barely having the energy to do even that. "Any suggestions?" he asked, quirking his eyebrow at me. I shrugged, not really caring at all what he put on. He browsed for a quick moment before pulling out a disc quickly and popping it in the DVD player, settling down beside me with a sheepish look on his face. I looked at him quizzically.

"What?" I asked as he put his arm behind my shoulders and laid back into the couch.

"I…uh… its nothing," he said, avoiding my gaze. I frowned.

"Sure it is," I murmured sarcastically. Edward looked at me and rolled his eyes, sighing.

"It's just kind of embarrassing."

What the fuck could he be embarrassed about? He wasn't the one who was rejected for a blow job and then whipped his top off, was he? He had nothing on me right now.

"This is kind of my favourite movie, and it makes me feel better when I'm sick and stuff, so I figured it would make you feel better. But it's stupid really. I mean, I'm a future lawyer and this is my favourite movie?" Edward was a bit flustered and it was pretty adorable he was worrying about something silly as this.

"Why would you be embarrassed?" I was confused, and now so was he. It was then I finally clued in that I didn't even know what movie he had put in, and I looked toward the screen, seeing the familiar blue Disney logo leave the screen, making way for a cartoon llama.

Ahh, now I got it.

I looked back at Edward, who was gazing at me for a reaction. He looked worried.

"You're embarrassed because your favourite movie is a Disney movie?" I asked as I started giggle. Edward blushed slightly.

"I'm a grown man for God's sake, I should like Die Hard or something."

"Edward, there is nothing wrong with liking a cartoon. It's actually pretty adorable of you."

"Adorable, what every man wants to hear." I giggled some more and watched a smile begin to tug at Edward's lips. God, that smile. I craved it always.

I settled into his side leaning back and feeling lighter then I had all day.

"Have you ever seen this one?" he asked, gesturing to the screen. I shook my head, not seeing many of the more recent Disney films. I just remembered the classics from my childhood, Snow White, Cinderella and all that.

"Oh man, you're in for a treat then. I swear you'll love this one." He smiled a big smile, almost like a little boy. Too flipping adorable. "By the way I can probably recite this movie verbatim, so I'm warning you now that I just might do that. A lot."

"A Llama? He's supposed to be dead!" Edward said in this high pitched voice during one part of the movie, which made me snort out loud. Edward looked at my with a silly grin on his face, and he ruffled my hair.

"What? You don't like my Esma voice?"

"On the contrary, I think its very funny. Do you talk like old women often?"

"Har Har Bella, you love it."

"Of course I do." I said, the first thing coming to mind. It was true, him doing the voices of the characters was actually really funny. Edward's face however, clouded, and he turned back to the film with less enthusiasm then before. I wondered what had gotten into him, but I let it go, not wanting to bother him. I turned my attention back to the movie, but I slowly found myself drifting off.

***

It was bright and I was confused.

I squinted, trying to adjust my eyes to the light, and slowly, I could see the faint outline of leaves above me, and then feeling the touch of soft grass whispering at the exposed skin of my hands and neck. What the actual fuck? I was in Forks again, but how was that possible? I was just in Edward's apartment, and now I was here?

I was staring confusedly at the sky when I heard the grass rustle suddenly beside me.

"You're back," a velvet voice murmured right beside my ear. I turned to find Edward smiling back at me, like he had been there the entire time, wearing that ridiculous pea coat again. That's when I clued in.

"I'm dreaming," I said, relieved that I hadn't gone crazy. Or at least, not any more so. Edward chuckled.

"Yes."

"I should have figured that out when I saw the sun. I don't think I have ever seen Forks this bright in my entire life."

"Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it hasn't happened."

"I thought you were supposed to be convincing me that this was a dream, not the other way around." I eyed him up, questioning him.

"I'm just stating a fact Bella," he said, picking up a loose strand of my hair and playing with the end.

"You're confusing me, that's what you're doing." I sat up, my brain not processing anything properly. Edward just kept smiling up at me, the picture of relaxation as he lounged in the grass.

"Well I am from the makings of your subconscious."

"Fuck, even here you're a smug bastard?" I scowled at him and he laughed again. If he was going to keep laughing at me, I was going to smack him. Though technically it was me making fun of myself since it was all my dream.

I guess.

Crap, this was making my brain hurt.

"You love me," Edward smiled at me, making the statement sound as true as water is wet. I was flabbergasted. I loved no one and nothing. My mother stamped out any of that possibility of that for me.

"Excuse me?" I gaped down at him in shock, and suddenly he was leaning in close to my face, his move so imperceptible that it was like he had been sitting like that the entire time. My pulse quickened at his proximity, and even though I knew he wasn't real, I was still completely dazzled by him.

"You know what I'm talking about." Edward's lips were now hovering over mine and I could feel his breath on my skin. If he thinks he could make me admit something like that with his fuckhot self…

Just then he captured my top lip with both of his, and I gave in. Letting myself get lost in the kiss.

Okay, so he was doing a very good job at convincing me he was right. A very, very good job.

"Edward, I…ah" I gasped between kisses and stifling a moan as he began to kiss down my neck. Oh God, this man. He would be my complete undoing. And I couldn't even chalk this all up to the dream. Edward had more than demonstrated his skills in this area on the train and in his apartment.

"Hmm?" he whispered into my skin, the feel of his breath on the wet trail left from his kisses making me shiver.

"Edward," I breathed, trying to regain my composure but finding it very difficult to do so. "Edward I don't…" I gasped out but I couldn't say it. "I can't…" Edward looked up at me then, bringing his face level with mine again. His eyes were full of the fire that I saw earlier, and I felt myself gulp, both scared and extremely turned on.

"You keep saying that, but it doesn't mean that it's not true, does it Bella?" He gazed at me, his eyes burning into mine.

"You don't understand, I can't love you Edward. I can't." I chocked out, barely able to breath, my heart hammering in my chest like a drum.

"But you do."

I didn't know what to say back to him, or maybe I was just incapable of doing so. I couldn't deny it, but I wouldn't admit it. I had been trying so hard to make myself believe it wasn't true, when all along it had been true. From the moment I met Edward Cullen, I never had a chance.

I couldn't get any words out, but I grabbed onto his face tightly, giving him the most searing kiss I could possibly give, pouring every ounce of feeling I had into it. I felt him fist my hair as he gasped for air, and I held on to him tighter, not wanting to lose this moment, and wanting to live in this dream forever.

"Bella, I…" Edward breathed before I heard an annoying buzzing sound. I looked around for the source but couldn't find anything, and when I looked back at Edward, he sighed.

"See you later Bella," he smiled, and the buzzing got louder. What the fuck was that? It sounded like an entire hive of bees.

"What?" I asked, wondering why we were ending this now, I wanted to know what he was going to say. Edward shook his head, and got up. Only muttering "Don't worry, it's not important." before he disappeared.

"Edward! Wait!" I yelled into empty forest, but the buzzing sound drowned out my call. It got louder and more constant, and suddenly, I was thrust out from the forest floor, the trees being replaced by a dark ceiling.

I gasped, feeling like I had just had the wind knocked out of me, and tried to get my bearings about me. I felt something warm on my hip, and I looked down, only to find a head of unkempt bronze hair below me. Edward had his cheek resting on my hip, and he was snoring lightly. From this angle, I could see his lips up in a twinge of a smile. I pulled my hands through his unruly locks as I contemplated what had happened in my dream.

I loved Edward. Despite all my trying to avoid it, it had finally happened. I had completely and utterly fallen for someone, and it scared me shitless. I wanted to run, to avoid it for as long as possible, but I couldn't get myself to move, or to even remove my hands from his hair. Edward didn't stir, and only nestled into my hip further. Fuck.

I was still raking my fingers through his hair when the buzzing sound came back again, only this time I realised it was my phone. Unthinkingly, I picked up the phone, and flipped it open.

"Hello?" I whispered, trying not to wake Edward up. He looked so peaceful.

"Bella?"

Shit.