Chapter 7

BPOV

What the hell are you doing? This is not the plan! Don’t do what I think you’re going to do… WHAT DID I JUST SAY? Unbelievable.

This is what I was thinking when my body decided not to listen to my brain anymore, and just did whatever the fuck it wanted. to. My brain was all about practicality, but my body was like, ‘hey, let’s flirt with Cullen some more’.

I don’t know if it was the “seeing Jesus, it’s so good” brownie that had just passed my lips, which I think may have given me a mini orgasm, or that I was a little off because of my Edward interruption in my first dream, and then my and subsequent nightmare, but fuck me if I wasn’t trying to feed the thing to him now.

Having nearly cum from that little piece of heaven, and I wanted him to experience the deliciousness himself. I could have just been like ‘Hey, try this brownie. It’s awesome.’, or even a more vulgar version ‘ Fuck, Cullen. Take some of this brownie, it’s better than sex,’, but no, my body decided it would be a good idea to put it up to his lips and feed it to him. Slowly.

I watched him take the food, pulling it slowly from the fork between his lips, and I began to feel a warm sensation spread below my stomach to my holy land, and it exploded as he groaned in satisfaction. It was so primal and it was sexy as hell; I wanted to record it and make it my ringtone so I could I hear it multiple times a day. 

I was getting increasingly heated, and I thought I couldn’t possibly get anymore so from watching Edward eat, but then he opened his eyes and muttered something that I didn’t even comprehend. I was too focused on his eyes, gulping to keep the fire down in my own body.

His liquid blue eyes were now looking like an ocean set on fire; all focused on me and burning with need.

In the few days I had known Edward, I had never seen him look like this. It was just so…animalistic, like he was going to jump over the table and take me right here. The visual came up for that in my head almost immediately and it did not help my arousal one bit. I felt a blush creep up my entire body, praying that he didn’t notice it, but by the look in his eyes a second later, my prayers were in vain. His gaze was so intent on me that I had to look down and eat the rest of my brownie as a distraction before I jumped him myself.

Then why don’t you?, my apparently horny thoughts told me. You’re the one who brought this all on. It was a very tempting thought, but I couldn’t do it, not with Edward. He would not be like the others.  If we did that, it would change everything, and I would undoubtedly lose him as my friend. I didn’t care how much my body wanted to be fucked into oblivion by the Greek god in front of me, I would not do it.

I still didn’t understand why I had fed him in the first place! Could I deep down want Edward to want me as more than just as a friend, and this was my way of testing him? Maybe. Edward was quickly becoming my anchor in the tumultuous sea that was my existence, he was also funny, thoughtful, and caring. Add being beautiful beyond all reason, and Edward was the full package. I needed him and I was attracted to him. Of course I would want to jump his bones. The fact that I was even getting turned on from his actions was obvious that Edward passed the test. Fuck, this is getting complicated.

“I told you,” I mumbled, staring at what was left of my food, before eating the rest of it quickly. I looked up tentatively and met Edward’s eyes again, gasping when I saw his eyes were burning even more, like they could burn me down to my soul.

 No, this can’t be happening. I had spent all this time worrying about getting in too deep with Edward, I hadn’t worried about Edward getting in too deep with me, and with that look, I knew he was. Shit, this wasn’t supposed to happen.

I was so wrapped up in my own head that I didn’t even hear what Edward was asking me, only vaguely realizing he was speaking at all. I was just looking at the space between us, trying to figure out what to do. There were two sides battling within me. The one side, which was my intention to keep Edward as my friend in order to protect him and myself, was strong; but the new side, the side that wanted Edward in every way I could, was growing stronger. That side didn’t care what would happen if I gave in, and I really wanted to give in. I could only imagine how good that would feel. The only reason that side wasn’t winning now was because my desire to protect Edward from myself was its greatest weapon. The broken pieces of myself were sharp, and I refused to let Edward be cut by its jagged edges. It was a crushing thought, but it was necessary.

This is wrong. If it hurt so much to think that, then how could something that felt so good be wrong? I had to remind myself that yeah, it felt good for me now, but what about later? And what about Edward? It wouldn’t feel good forever for him either. I would crush him someday, I knew it.

I suddenly felt a hand on mine, and I felt electricity pulse through my veins; it was like I had the power switched off in my body, only for it to be turned on again once Edward touched me. It wasn’t painful, more like a rush of energy and feeling, and just… everything. I was so surprised, my mouth opened and I felt my eyes go as wide as saucers.

“You mean this?” Edward asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. Fuck, did I say that out loud? He sounded angry, I didn’t want him to sound angry. Jesus Bella, get it together! 

I tried to move my hand away so I could, I don’t know, stop feeling so much, but he wouldn’t let me. He increased his hold on my hand and put his finger under my chin, tilting my head up so I had to look at him. I didn’t look at his eyes though, I was afraid of what I might see there.   I wasn’t sure if I was more worried about the anger that could be there, or a deeper emotion that would frighten me just as much.

“Bella, look at me.” And I couldn’t help myself, he was my magnet. I looked at him tentatively, and I didn’t see anger, or even lust, all I saw was caring and…something else, something deeper. “Why is this wrong?” he probed, while his eyes searched mine.

“It will hurt,” I simply said, watching as his face first became confused, then aware.   His eyes were still probing and it was making me uncomfortable, so I tried to pry my face away from his finger. Edward wasn’t having that, and he moved his hand so he could cup the entire right side of my face, rubbing circles there. His hand was so warm, and it just felt so right there, the world could fall away right now and I wouldn’t notice. If the current was strong on my hand, it was fucking mind-blowing on my face.

“I could never hurt you,” he said softly, and I believed him. In his eyes were only sincerity, and they were begging him for me to trust him. What he didn’t know was that I already did. I trusted him far more than I even trusted myself.

My heart was surging, and I had to close my eyes before I started crying again. Edward’s hand was still on my face, and it felt so perfect there. His thumb was soothing, and it helped keep down the panic that had begun to rise in my chest. I leaned into his hand, mentally recording how the sensation felt so I could remember it always, before removing his hand and placing it back on the table. I kept my hands on his for a moment longer than necessary to revel in the electrical feeling, before I placed mine safely under the table. It had to be the last touch. It had to.

“I‘m not worried about myself,” I looked down towards the wood grain, not allowing myself to get trapped by his eyes again. I had to let him in a little, didn’t I? He wouldn’t want to hear my whole sob story, nor did I really want him to, but he deserved some explanation of why he shouldn’t get close to me.

Ugh, that would be uncomfortable conversation to have. So Edward, I have had a pretty traumatic past that interferes with my daily life, and there is a good chance I will damage you in some way if I stay with you, so it’s better if we don’t do this, ‘kay? Oh yeah, it would be just like talking about fluffy bunnies and furry kittens. Real pleasurable.

I was so into my inner monologue that I didn’t even notice that a server had brought Edward’s sandwich until I could see, out of the corner of my eye, her shoving her boobs in his face as she placed the food down in front of him. I looked up to see that he was pretty fucking oblivious, paying more attention to his food than the bimbo who was trying to fuck him with her eyes and chest right now. I didn’t like how she was staring at him, like he was a piece of meat. I nearly had a Mean Girls moment, and I was about to Cadie on her ass and jump over the table and start attacking this blonde bitch like an animal. I was however pleased that he wasn’t paying much attention to her.

Holy shit, when did I become so possessive? He’s not even mine! I didn’t want him to be mine.

Okay, I did, but I had no right to have a claim over him, to be jealous of this woman, or any other woman for that matter. It wasn’t logical to turn him away but then expect him to turn down all other women.  Damn my stupid, stupid brain.

Edward finally looked from his sandwich to the waitress, who I just noticed has a nametag that was perched right on her left breast with the name “Jessica” on it.  Seeing that she had finally caught his attention, she licked her lips and smiled like she had won the damn lottery. I could see why, Edward was gorgeous, but come on! For all she knew he was on a date with me, which technically we were, even though it was a ‘friend date‘, but she didn’t know that.

I watched as Edward muttered out a thank you, looking a little confused, and I smiled inwardly when Edward flinched away from her touch.

“If there is anything else you need, please let me know,” she said with a wink, and I felt my hand go into fists underneath the table. Oh no you didn’t bitch! I rolled my eyes as she walked away, swinging her ass like she was on some runway or something.

“ ‘I’m Jessica, and I like to stick my boobs in attractive men’ s faces at my crappy job.’ Stupid, cheap ass blonde.” I said under my breath and acting rather childlike.

“So, did that girl run over your cat or something?”  Edward looked a little amused, though a bit confused. at me.

“Pfft, some people lack professionalism these days,” I snorted before giving my best bitch face towards Jessica’s general direction.

“I thought she was professional,” he shrugged while taking a bite of his sandwich. Oh my god. Was he really that oblivious?

“You can’t be serious, she was practically drooling all over you. I thought she would straddle you right here.” I watched as Edward’s face moved from confusion to amusement, and he looked a little smug.

“Really?” he asked, turning to look in Jessica’s direction, but I wasn’t going to let him have another look, so I hit his arm. He looked back at me with his stupid crooked smile, and all thoughts dropped out of my head, taking me more than a few seconds to recover.

Damn you and your beautiful crooked smile, Cullen.

“Jesus, Edward! Are you really that unaware of yourself that you don’t notice the way most women look at you? How they’re willing to throw themselves at you? Miss blonde hussy over there…”

“Did you just say ‘hussy’?” Edward interrupted, and it was his turn for the bitchbrow. However, Edward just looked more amused, and I fought the urge to hit him again.

“Sorry,” he said in apology, but his face was anything but apologetic. He was having fun with this.

“I did, but like I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me.”  Edward laughed at me, trying to cover it up with a cough and failing miserably. I continued, ignoring him. “She is just the most blatant one so far today. You probably didn’t even notice how most of the women in this shop looked at you when you walked in. How they are looking at you now ” I motioned for him to follow my gaze, seeing at least two women ogling him from their seats. He did, and he looked surprised before blushing and looking down at his food.

“I guess I never really notice these things, I spend a lot time in my own head.” He shrugged, and I couldn’t believe it. He had to know the effect he had on women, how his mere presence in a room made any female take notice? He must be saying it to be humble. He had to be.

“So you’re honestly telling me you don’t notice that women find you beautiful beyond all reason?” I asked, before noticing what I just said. Out loud. Shit shit shit shit!  Edward looked like he couldn’t believe what I said either, then he looked incredulous, before settling on amusement again. Oh God this is embarrassing!

“Excuse me?” Yep, definitely amused. “What did you just call me?” he asked, barely hiding his smile. Smug bastard.

“Hmm?” I was trying to play dumb, albeit stupidly, since I knew I was blushing and I was a horrible liar anyways, and Edward totally called my bluff. He was leaning in, his face inches away from mine, and his breath was fawning all over my face. I almost had to remember that I was supposed to be embarrassed at the moment.

“I’m beautiful beyond all reason, huh?” Edward said, raising his eyebrows and being all smug.

“Like you didn’t know that already.”  Because honestly, how could he not? He did own a mirror at home, yes?

“No, I didn’t know that you thought of me that way.” A huge smile broke out on his face and I couldn’t believe that it was possible, but I actually was more mortified than I was before.

I wanted to answer him with some witty retort, but I couldn’t, I had no words. He had caught me again. I think I really need to work on my verbal filter when I’m around him. Either that, or Edward is far more observant than I give him credit for.

“Smug bastard,” I mumbled, though I had a slight smile on my face. It was hard to stay annoyed with him; his smile was infectious.

“Fine. I think you’re beautiful-” I said, looking down at my hands.

“Beyond all reason.”

“Yes, beyond all reason. Can we drop it now?”

“Sure,” he laughed again, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. “Though, just so you know, I don’t think that’s an apt description for myself. I think it fits better for someone else.”

What? Was he interested in someone else? Wait, that would mean
that I wanted him to be interested in me. Which I didn’t. Kind of, maybe. Okay, I wanted him to be interested in me, but he shouldn’t.

There, happy now? You got it out of me.

When I didn’t get it, Edward looked at me pointedly, and I couldn’t believe it. He thought I was beautiful? No one had ever told me that before. Well he didn’t exactly say it out loud but the sentiment was there all the same. I don’t know if it’s like this for every girl, but having a man call you beautiful is nothing like being called “hot” or “cute”, or even “pretty”. I have been called those words before, but beautiful, never had I heard that word describe me. My heart surged and I felt tears prick my eyes. Oh please don’t let me cry again.

“Me?” I asked, looking around me. It would be just my luck he was actually looking at someone else instead of me, and I was being all foolish for nothing. There was no one there.

“Yes, you,” he said as if I would be crazy not to think he was talking about me. I was wrong. Edward wasn’t the unobservant one, I was.

“You continue to surprise me, Cullen.” I smiled at him, trying to put all my gratitude for him in that one smile. He smiled back, and my God, it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I shook my head, thinking how much this man intoxicated me with his mere presence; how a smile, a word, or a look could make me lose my capability of coherent thought. Edward was a dangerous one for me, that’s for sure.

“You’re ability to go from a smug bastard to saying something like that… now that’s amazing.” I joked, but there was sincerity there. I don’t think he knew how truly amazing he made me feel.

“You know what’s amazing?” Edward smiled before taking another bit of his sandwich.

“And what would that be?” I was watching him eat, and I’ll be damned if he wasn’t beautiful doing that too.  

I was looking at my latte before taking a sip when Edward responded.

“You’re ability to distract from a conversation,” he said seriously, and fuck, I knew he was right. I had distracted him from what I was going to tell him. I honestly hadn’t consciously done it, but I didn’t try to pick the conversation back up either. I felt horrible that he could see through so easily, and I hated that I had to have this conversation with him.

Even though I knew that I wanted him, and wanted him to want me, I had to do the right thing. Well, that’s what I was trying to tell myself anyways.

“Bella,” he said, looking into my eyes.  Damn, that nearly broke me right there, but I had to be strong. “What did you mean, you’re not worried about yourself?”  He looked worried about me, and I hated that. His eyes were so intense, I had to move away and close my eyes to get away from them if I wanted to get the words out I wanted to say.

“It’s not me I’m worried about getting hurt. I’ve been hurt plenty of times in my life, and I’ve survived,” I admitted. 

Edward looked confused. “Then who…” he trailed off.

“You, Edward. You’ll get hurt, and I can’t have that happen. Not ever.” He had to understand. It would be better this way, he had to believe me.

“I…don’t understand.” He was confused, and I really didn’t want to get into more detail, but it looked like I would have to.

“Eat your sandwich,” I said, because he was seriously ignoring it and I thought he would maybe take what I had to say better on a full stomach. At least I hoped that anyway. He eyed me before taking bite, his eyes never leaving mine as he ate.

“I wasn’t joking when I said I was fucked up. You don’t know the shades of fucked up I am,” I told him, and I saw him flinch.

“I‘ve been through shit I‘m not going to describe here, but Edward, you have to understand, it‘s not a good idea to get close to me.” I really hated that this was true. I would give anything in the world to be an undamaged, happy person.

He looked almost angry when he replied, and I was taken aback. “I don’t believe that,” he hissed.

“You have to believe me.”

“Bella, I want to be your friend. So can’t we just try?” he pleaded, and he looked like he was in pain. I had to close my eyes to stop myself from crying again.

“We can’t.” I had lost all the fight in me, and I wanted to give in so badly. It would be so easy to say ‘yes Edward, we can be friends.‘  It would stop him from hurting, and stop me from hurting.  But I was pretty sure neither of us really wanted to be only friends at this point.  I needed to put a stop to this now. 

“Why not? And don’t give that hurting me bullshit, because Bella, I can take care of myself, and if I get hurt, so be it. It won’t be the first time.”

Edward was angry, and  rightfully so; I was pretty much saying no with little or no explanation. He finished his sandwich and was looking down, this time refusing to look at me. I felt a pang of hurt, and I guessed that’s what he felt when I couldn’t look at him. Frankly, it sucked.

I couldn’t stop myself, I had to comfort him, and I placed my hand on his, immediately feeling relief in his contact and the buzz of electricity that hummed between us. Edward looked up surprised, and I tried to make my face as soft as possible.

“I want to be your friend too. Despite what you’ve seen of me the past few days, you have made my life a lot better lately.” I smiled, and it was true.

Someone remind me why I was doing this again? Oh yes, for him not you.

“But?” he said, because he already knew me all too well.

“But, I can’t. We can’t. I already c-” There was that word vomit again, and I almost said ‘I already care for you too much’ but I was literally saved by the bell when my cell phone rang. Thank God. Telling him I cared about him too much would not be helping me in this situation.

I grabbed my bag, and searched it, internally cursing myself for owning such a large one since I couldn’t never find anything in it, and almost sighed in relief when I finally found my phone. My relief however was short lived, when I saw who was calling me. I frowned down at my phone. I did not want to talk to him right now.

“I have to take this, is that alright?” I asked, and Edward just nodded, staring at the place our hands used to be.

“Hey,” I said into the phone as I walked from the table to go outside. I didn’t want Edward to hear this conversation.

“Hey, Bells!” The cheerful voice on the other end called, and I cringed. How can one person be so damn sunny and positive all the time? “How’s it going?”

“Working long hours for little money. You know, the usual.”

“So not missing me too much?” he joked. I hadn’t missed him at all really. I actually forgot that he existed up until now, and I knew exactly why that was.

“I’m surviving.” I wasn’t wholly into this conversation instead, I was watching Edward through the front window as he rubbed his hands on his face and through his hair, making it look like a tornado just went through it.

“Bella? Are you still there?” I had totally forgotten that I was talking on the phone due to my Edward ogling.

“Yeah, sorry. I was distracted. So what’s up?” I asked, wondering why he was calling. We hadn’t talked for over a month. Since he left New York, actually.

He sounded nervous and awkward. “I err, well, my dad is doing better now, a lot better actually, and I think I may murder him if we spend much more time around each other…” Okay, get to the point. “So I wanted to let you know I’ll probably be back in town by the end of the month.” Oh. Ohhh. Now I knew why he was calling me out of the blue.

“Oh,” I brilliantly said. I didn’t know how to do this, at least not over the phone.

“Yeah, so if you want to hang out when I’m back…”

“Uh,” I stalled.

He ignored me as he rushed through the rest of his words. “Listen, my dad is bugging me to go fishing with him so I have to go, but I’ll call you when I get back to New York, ‘kay?”

“Okay,” I said. At least I could talk to him in person when he was back in the city. Not that I knew what I would say, or what I wanted, but it gave me a month to figure it out.

“Bye Bells. I miss you.”

“See you, Jake.” I hung up before he could respond and immediately felt guilty.

Really, I have this shit on top of everything else? I groaned and tried to push this Jake business out of my head, turning to look at Edward again. He looked frustrated with something, and then he slammed his head down on the table. I jumped, worried that he had passed out or something, but I could see his hands move to his hair again, so I assumed he was okay. I took the time outside to myself to think.

I knew I didn’t want whatever Jake and I had before he left, it wasn’t that special anyways. And I wasn’t interested in starting something else with him, even though he looked like he did. Ugh, that would be a mine field to navigate.

So what did I want then? I didn’t want to be alone, as much as I tried to keep myself that way, I knew I didn’t want that. And as much as I wanted to tell myself that I didn’t know what I wanted, I knew it was lie.

What I wanted had been the focus of my life since he entered it. What I wanted was someone who had known me for three days but it felt like I had known him a lifetime. I was hurting the one I wanted, and I hated myself for it. My rational side said I should just let things be.  He made me happy, and he seemed to be happy with me, except for when I was trying to leave him, so maybe I should just give in?    

How bad could it be? He said he knew what he was doing, so why not give in and be friends?

Being more than that with Edward would get too complicated, but friends? I could do that, I just hoped he could.

I took a deep breath before walking back into the store, preparing myself to give in and not fight anymore. It was terrifying but oddly relieving in a way. Maybe it was just that I knew I would be closer to Edward soon, and my body knew I could relax around him. He seemed just as relieved as I was when he saw me, and I could tell he was ridiculously happy when I told him we could still be friends. His stupid infectious grin made me all giddy inside, and I was glad I did this. Glad I gave in, even just a little bit.

Looking back, I know this day was significant for me, even though I wouldn’t fully realize its significance until later.  But on that sunny day in early May, staring at the beautiful bronzed haired boy through a coffee shop window, I gave in.

Little did I know what truly happened when I gave in that day.

I started to fall in love.

****
The next few weeks were both simultaneously heaven and hell for me. It was heaven because Edward and I were nearly attached at the hip. We talked everyday, even if we weren’t working together, and I wouldn’t go a few days without seeing him.

It was hell because the nightmares had become almost nightly now. That hadn’t happened since the first few years after my mother’s death, so I was really confused as to why it was happening now. They left me feeling ragged, tired and depressed, the only light being my days with Edward.

When I was with him, I would feel so light and buoyant, like I wasn’t the messed up person with the horrible past. I  felt like I could just be normal. Edward made me laugh, smile, and as ridiculous and lame as it sounds, I felt like he had made me glow from the inside out.

Our phone conversations started taking up half the night.  And then there were the times that I tried to be a nice friend and decided I would make sure he was up, you know, as a back up.  

Alright, and maybe I just wanted to hear his voice again. More than maybe.

Shut up.

“gahelos?” A voice groaned out; he sounded like wounded animal.

“Was that supposed to be ‘hello’ ?”

“Bella?” Edward yawned, sounding a tad more coherent. “Why are you calling so early?”  He sounded so sleepy, and I pictured him all cuddled up in his sheets. I wondered what he wore to bed? Pj’s? Boxers? Or nothing at all? God damn it, now I was picturing Edward naked, and as glorious that could potentially be, (who am I kidding, the Greek god with no clothes on?  God help me!), it would not be helpful if I thought of my friend that way. Which I did. A lot. I shook my head to try to remove the images from my head, and tried to sound a little more coherent than Edward when I responded.

“We have a meeting to go to this morning.” Do not think of Edward naked. Do not think of Edward naked. Do not think of the happy trail you got a glimpse of the other day. Do not think of how soft the hair looked there, or how it dragged your eyes to the V at his hips… Oh my, I may have just had an aneurysm. Or an orgasm, which ever. 
“Yeah, I know that Bella. That’s why I set an alarm,” Edward said, chuckling and bringing me out of my semi-perverted fantasies about him. Good thing Edward couldn’t see me right now, if he did, he’d see I was pink from head to toe.

“I figured you did. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to sleep in, and by the sound of your voice, it sounds like you did.”

“I did not. It’s only 7 A.M.” Poor Edward, I was really hated having to do this to him.

“Uh, I would check that clock again Edward. It’s eight.”

“What? You’ve got to be kidding me! I could have sworn it was just seven!” I heard him rustle around, I assumed to actually see if it was in fact eight, and not that I was shitting him. “Fuck.” Edward kept muttering into the phone, it was actually kind of humorous, his panicking. I was hearing things shuffle around in the background, and then I heard him huffing a little farther a way from the receiver.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m changing for work. What does it sound like I’m doing?” Oh, he was cranky. Note to self, Edward is NOT a morning person.

“If you’re changing, then why are you talking to me?” The knowledge that he was not fully dressed at the moment was not helping the plan to not think of Edward in perverted ways.

“Huh?” his voice said, closer this time.

“Well, we’re not exactly making great conversation here.”

“Oh, I guess I… I guess I didn’t think of that.” He sounded like he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind at the last second. Maybe Edward just wanted to hear my voice as well? I smiled at the thought and began to feel that weird glowing feeling again.

“Tell you what Edward, why don’t I let you finish getting ready and I’ll see you when you get to work, okay?”

“Uh, sure.” Edward still sounded groggy and I felt bad for the poor boy.

“I’ll get coffee for us on the way,” I promised, knowing that it would probably make him feel better.

Edward sighed. “Thanks. I owe you one.”

“Hardly,” I snorted. “Just doing my job, Cullen.”

“Oh yeah, so you call all the other employees to make sure they’re up and buy them coffee  as well?” he laughed. Damn it, he got me again, and he knew it.

“Shut-up, Cullen,” I snapped, using my go-to phrase as of late. I usually did it when he was being annoyingly observant, deflecting the truth from him and from myself.

“See you at work, Bella,” he said before laughing once more.

“Don’t be late,” I answered curtly before hanging up. I had been dressed and ready to go before I called, so I was actually running a little early. I decided to forgo buying coffee on the way there, and made some of my own for us before I left. I thought I made a pretty decent cup of coffee, and really hoped Edward liked it.

You know what they say, a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Wait, I didn’t just say that. I didn’t want a way to Edward’s heart. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, I’m pretty sure my brain rolled its metaphorical eyes at me.

After making coffee for the both of us and placing them into two reusable mugs, I grabbed a granola bar for myself, then went back for another, knowing that Edward wouldn’t have time for breakfast, and rushed out the door. When I got there, I almost laughed when I saw him. His clothes were slightly crinkled, like he just picked up the first thing he saw on his bedroom floor, and his eyes looked lazy, almost like he was sleeping standing up. His hair was a complete and utter disaster, sticking up in every which way in some places, and flattened down in others.

“Here,” I said, placing one of the mugs in Edward’s hands. “You look like you need this.” Edward took a sip and I could see him wake up a bit. I handed him the granola bar, and then began chewing on mine. He looked a bit surprised at the gesture, but started eating his own as well.

“You are a officially my hero now,” he mumbled between bites.

“Is that so?” I looked at him, and he was giving me that damn crooked smile again, and I blushed, nearly dropping my coffee.

“Mhm. I may have to a erect a statue in your honour.”

“Pfft. That won‘t be necessary.” And I reddened because he had used the word ‘erect’. Oh god, what am I, a twelve year old boy?

Edward had a full blown smile now, no doubt because of my obvious blushing, and his eyes were crinkling in an incredibly cute way. So cute, that I almost sighed out loud. Sweet, I had gone from twelve year old boy to a twelve year old girl in seconds. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a new record!

“Hm, well, I could always sing to you.” A wicked glint came to his eye, and shit he was going to actually do it, wasn’t he?

“Oh please no, don’t.” I pleaded, looking at the other co-workers around the room, hoping that would prevent him from singing.

Edward saw me look around, and he winked at me. “Too late, Swan. Shouldn’t have given me caffeine.” He sucked in a breath and I jumped to try and put my hand over his mouth to stop him, but he jumped out of the way.

“Did you ever know that you’re my hero,” Edward sang, and even though he was fooling around, his voice was actually pretty pleasant sounding. His voice was sort of raspy, kind of like Jeff Buckley, and despite the very cheesy song choice, it sounded oddly soulful. I would probably pay good money to have him record that shit in a different situation.

“And ev'rything I would like to be?” People were looking at us now, and I could feel the embarrassment crawling up my skin.

“Oh god,” I said, putting my face in my hands

“I can fly higher than an eagleeee,” He laughed/sung and I ran and tried to cover his mouth with my hand. This time I was successful since I grabbed onto the back of his head with my other hand, but he kept on singing, his voice only now muffled by my hand. “ 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.”

“Please stop. Or do you want to embarrass yourself more in front of our co-workers?”  I could feel Edward smile beneath my hand, and he chuckled. I was vaguely aware that I still had my other hand gripped in his hair, and I resisted my urge to run my hands through it. It did feel very soft though.

“Fine, If it makes you happy, I’ll stop,” he mumbled underneath my hand. “Can you let go of me now? I‘m sort of having a hard time breathing under here. ”

“Breath through your nose then.” I replied, still not letting go of him. Why was I not letting him go? If anything my grip got tighter.

“Bella…”

“What?”

“If you don’t let go, I’ll lick your hand.” My eyes widened in surprise. 

“You wouldn‘t…” I said, narrowing my eyes. He raised his eyebrows in return, and swiftly brought his hand around my wrist, holding my hand where it was. It took too long for me to figure out what he was doing, and when I did, it was too late. Edward glided his tongue up the middle of my hand, leaving a trail of wetness behind. I let go of him and jumped back, rubbing my palm on the side of my pants.

“Ew, Edward! Why the hell would you do that?” I yelped, ignoring the several people who had been staring at us since Edward started singing. He looked playful and smug. Stupid, smug bastard.

“I told you I was going to lick you if you didn’t let go,” he shrugged. I rolled my eyes at him, and moved back towards him. It was that damn magnet again, it always made sure we were never far apart when we were together.

“That was gross, don’t ever do that again,” I said looking up at him, while thinking please, please do that again!
“I make no promises, Swan,” Edward replied, and the wicked look in his eyes came back. I pushed his head away with my hand, sneakily feeling his hair again, and Edward laughed. I rolled my eyes again, but I couldn’t help chuckling with him.

A female voice cleared her throat behind me, and I looked to find Betty looking at us speculatively. Oh no, how long had she been watching us? “We’re about to start the meeting, you guys ready to go?” she asked, eyeing me and then Edward. I shifted a little so I wasn’t standing so close to him, putting some space between us.

“Yes, Betty.” Edward answered, and she nodded her head before walking to the front of the room to start the meeting, but not before looking at me strangely again. Edward chuckled and leaned against the wall behind him, I followed, and after a few minutes, I noticed Edward was still smiling.

“What are you smiling at?” I whispered.

His grin widened but he kept his eyes on the front of the room. “It’s nothing,” he laughed quietly, and I wanted to smack him. I felt like I was being left out of an inside joke or something.

“Remind me to never give you coffee again,” I huffed back, looking to the front and biting my lip. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward turn to look at me. His face became serious, and I swear I saw him lick his lips in a very predatory way. I blushed and tried to distract myself by paying attention to Betty’s presentation, not looking at Edward once. I did however, feel his eyes on me the entire time, and there it was. That glow again.

****

A few days later, I was sitting with Edward once again as he worked. I would usually sit and watch him work,  admiring the view while I was there, and more often than not, I would ask one of the many questions that I had forgotten in our phone conversations.  Edward claimed he didn’t notice when women threw themselves at him.  I couldn’t understand it.  He was a attractive, smart and funny guy, and I had even seen women fawn over him in the past. He remained humble, saying that he was awkward and clumsy.  Yeah, I’ll give him that. I had never seen a man with such a capacity to drop and trip over things, and he sometimes muttered an awkward comment to me, but he was generally pretty collected and polite. He was even pretty charming with me, and I had seen him do the same with Betty as well. For him, I think it was a self-esteem issue; Edward didn’t see himself the way I did, and I tried to tell him that. He didn’t seem to believe me, and I made it my goal to help Edward see what I saw; the amazing man that he was. Not that I wanted girls to fawn over him, I just wanted him to realize who he really was.

When I told him he could charm the pants of anyone if he wanted to, he looked at me like I had just told him pigs could fly.  Soon after however, the wicked glint in his eye that he had after the hand licking incident came back, and he asked me if he was charming the pants off me. Of course I blushed, thinking how nice it would be for him to get my pants off.  Oh, who am I kidding, it would be nice for me as well.  It didn’t help that he was of course right, just not about the pants part. Yet.

He was surprised that I knew about the cougar incident, but really, how could I not have heard. Yeah, the store was pretty big, but it wasn’t that big. Rumours and stories usually spread like wildfire here, so I knew about the whole thing pretty soon after it happened. I didn’t mention it to him until now because I was waiting for the right moment, and I figured it would be a good way to distract him from my ridiculous blushing. Plus, Edward squirming in embarrassment was pretty hilarious.

I did have a point though. Nobody would stand for it, and I knew especially Edward wouldn’t, if I had some dirty old man pulling the same thing the cougar did on him.  Although the situation was one of the funniest things I ever heard in my life, I couldn’t help feeling that I wanted to kick Irina’s ass a little bit too.

I had walked to stand by him as he was hiding from embarrassment, and we were now standing incredibly close together again, and I could smell the scent of Edward’s skin. He smelled musky, but in a good way, with the added cologne that I still couldn’t name, but it intoxicated me. I looked at Edward and his eyes looked so deep and so blue, I got lost in them for a moment. I began to lick my lips, in preparation for what my body wanted me to do, but I caught myself just in time, looking down at my watch as a distraction.

“Oh look! It’s time for your break!” I said as I practically shoved my watch into his face. I doubt he could actually read it, it was so close. Edward looked rather bewildered at the moment, and I thought maybe, just maybe, he was a little intoxicated by my presence as well. Not that I wanted that.

“Don’t worry, I’ll finish up here,” I turned to his pile of books and put them in the open spaces, trying to distract myself.

“Okay…” Edward almost questioned, and went off his lunch break. I kept on working until all the books were up and all the spaces were filled, while at the same time trying to not think of Edward, and the non-friend like feelings I had towards him.

 It was really no use,  he was all I could think about. My mind drifted off to the way he smelled, and how his skin felt on mine. How the mere sound of his voice could soothe me, and how pleasant the electric current that passed between us felt. I remembered vividly the way his tongue felt on my palm, and the way his hair felt in my hand.  I then moved to things that I hadn’t experienced; the, er, more adult thoughts that I had trouble controlling.   Again, not helpful, not helpful at all.

I was in the middle of a fantasy that involved acts that could be performed in  this very store, and I was getting myself pretty hot when I was poked in the shoulder with someone’s finger. I turned to look, and there was a man, who looked to be in his fifties or sixties, looking at me with contempt. He wasn’t a tall man, only a few inches taller than my 5’4” frame, roundish, and his skin was flushed, like he had been burnt by the sun.

“May I help you sir?” I asked in my polite sales associate voice, plastering a fake smile on my face. The man narrowed his eyes at me, probably not falling for my act.

“I need help finding a book,” he said, sounding like he was slurring his words, but I wasn’t totally sure. I kept up my cheery act.

“Well, you’ve come to the right place, which one are you looking for?” He told me the title, and it was some obscure World War Two non-fiction book that I had never heard before. He didn’t know the author so the only thing I had to go on was the title and the fact it was about the war. I didn’t think we had it, but I led him over to the history section anyways. I was right, we didn’t have it.

“Why don’t I look it up in the store computer, in case it was misplaced in another section? I asked, and that placated him a little. When I did search it, I found that it was a limited edition, and that we could only get it if we ordered it.

“I’m very sorry, we don’t have the book in stock I’m afraid,” looking like I was actually as sorry as I was saying. In truth, I really couldn’t care less.

“You are the largest store in the area! What the hell do you mean you don’t have it?” he snarled at me, and I flinched from his voice. It started to bring up horrible images in my head from years past, but held myself together, pushing those memories back with equal force.

“I’m sorry sir, we just don’t have it in stock right now. It’s a limited edi-” I began to say before he interrupted me, getting louder and louder with each word.

“I don’t care if it’s a God damn limited edition, your store promises to have any book any one could possibly need! And YOU don’t have this one?”

“Again, I apologize for the inconvenience, but we don’t currently have the book in stock. We can order it though, and have the book here in a couple of weeks,” I said politely, though my voice was laced with venom. He didn’t like that all, and before I knew it he was so close to my face that I could smell the whiskey on his breath as he yelled at me.

“I don’t want to order it in, you little bitch! You’re supposed to fucking have it in!” he barked, sticking his stubby finger in my face. I couldn’t help it then, the horrible images broke out of their vault and assaulted me, my blood rushing from my face and hands, and I couldn’t see the scene in front of me anymore.

The short man grew taller and leaner, and his eyes turned from dull brown to a frightening shade of grey. His face morphed into one I knew all too well, and his bald head sprouted hairs until it was one with hair as black as an oil slick.

It was dark and I was in my house again, my room this time, hiding underneath my bed from him.

“Where is that little bitch?” his sandpaper voice bellowed throughout the house. I cowered deeper into the shadows. “She left her bloody shoes out and I tripped over them!”

“Phil,” my mother slurred, and I could hear her clomping around behind him. “She’s just a kid, give her a break.” She wasn’t very convincing.

“I’m not giving her a break, she needs to learn not to leave her shit all over the place,” he spat and began to stumble up the stairs.

“Isabella,” he called, sounding like he was a hunter looking for his prey. I stilled my breath, hoping that if I didn’t breathe, he couldn’t find me.

He did.

The image flashed, and I was now being dragged out by my arms across the floor boards, me screaming and kicking while my mother yelled for him to stop.

He pulled me down the stairs, my shins hitting the steps hard enough that it would surely leave bruises. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, he threw me to the ground in front of the offending shoes, so that my face was over them.

“What the fuck did I tell you about this? Huh?” he spat, pushing my nose into the shoes. I hadn’t meant to leave them out, I knew how mad he would get. I was just so scared when I heard his voice after I came in from school that I left my shoes by the front door and ran to my room.

“I’m sorry!” I yelled, tears flowing quickly down my face. He chuckled darkly and shoved my face further.

“Philip! Stop it, you’re hurting her!” My mom was there now, and she tried to pull him off me, but she was drunk and much weaker than him. He pushed her so hard that she hit the wall beside us with a thunk. He had loosened his hold on me when he did that, and I used that opportunity to try and run away. I got out of his grasp, but he was too fast, and he grabbed me from behind, pulling his arm across me. I grabbed his large hand as he was doing so, and brought to my mouth, biting it as hard as I possibly could.

“Arggg!” he yelped, pulling his hand and wrenching back, again freeing me from his grasp. I began to run, run through the rest of the house, down the steps, and into our backyard. I ran until I hit the fence, realising my error too late. I was trapped.

He caught up with me, and smiled this twisted smile rubbing the fresh bite mark on his hand.

“You’re going to pay for that Isabella,” he said with an eerie calm, and that frightened me more than the yelling.

Suddenly I wasn’t in the backyard, now I was in the living room, with my mother moaning in pain in the background. The light changed, and I saw his shadow come over me, pinning my body down on the floor with one arm, the other raised with thin, long belt in its hand.

“Stop, please. No no no no no no no…” I screamed out, knowing exactly what he was going to do. Phil just laughed and raised it higher.

“Shouldn’t have bit me then,” he snarled and moved to whip me with the belt.


“Bella?”  I heard my name being called, but it was distant, like a dream. “Are you okay?” I wanted to scream at this voice. Couldn’t they see I wasn’t okay? Something happened  in that moment that I heard the voice, time began to slow down.

“Shh, Bella. It’s just me, Edward. Can you hear me?” I remember that voice, it was comforting, and it brought pleasant memories with it.

“Please make it stop,” I pleaded, the belt coming closer with each passing second. Even though it had been slowed, I knew that it would still hurt, and it would hurt bad.

“I promise I’ll make it stop, okay?”  I heard his voice say, the light changing from dark to light, and the images became blurry.

“Bella, honey? You need to tell me how to help you,”  Edward’s voice was calm, and I felt a warm and soft hand at my face.

“Edward?” My voice whispered, worried that I would go back to that hell again if I spoke any louder.

“Yes, hun. It’s me,” he said softly, and I began to open my eyes. When I did, the image melted. I was no longer in my dark house, I was in the light, and I saw bronze. Bronze and blue.  In fact, in this light, that he almost appeared to be sparkling.

As my vision began to clear, I finally saw him. His face was worried, but I didn’t care. He was here and he had saved me from the darkness.

“Edward,” I sighed, and I wanted to be buried in his arms, but I couldn’t move my limbs.

“Bella, please. You need to tell me what do. Tell me how to help,” he pleaded. 

“Keep me here with you,” Please. I can’t go back there.

“I’m here,” he said softly, but my vision began to shift again, and I was terrified that I was going back to the belt that would break my skin. Just then, I felt myself being pulled, and for a moment I thought I was being dragged by Phil again, but it wasn’t his rough and dry hand that had pulled me, these were soft and warm. I wasn’t slammed to the ground, I was tucked into Edward’s chest, his arms circling around me, and his scent covering me like a blanket. My head was near his heart, and I could hear every  beat. It became my life line.  As long as I  could hear his heart beat, I’m safe.

I’m safe.

Teaser

                             Edward missing Bella? - "JF" Picture Teaser

Chapter 6

“You’re right,” I said, my voice husky. “That was good.” 

I had no idea what I was saying, it kind of just fell out of my mouth. Bella had just fed me a brownie that must have been made by the gods it was so good; and on top of that, it had been one of the most sensual experiences of my life. I was now currently sporting the largest hard on in the world underneath the small table that was between us, and there was no way it would let up if I kept watching Bella eat, not to mention the attractive flush that was now on her face and neck. For once in my life, I didn’t feel embarrassed or awkward. I felt hungry, and definitely not for food.

I don’t know if she had fed me like that on purpose, which meant she had been flirting with me, violating her own ‘we’re just friends’ promise, or if it was completely unintentional on her part. It had seemed deliberate. I mean, most people don’t feed their friends little pieces of heaven like that with such obvious sensuality, right? Maybe I should put another check in the pro ‘Bella liked me’  list…

“I told you,” Bella said, still looking down at the remaining bits of her brownie, her blush slowly creeping away from her face. She shoveled the last bit in and then looked up to meet my eyes, and I didn’t know what she saw in mine, probably lust since I was pretty turned on at the moment, but her eyes widened as she took a sharp breath in before worrying her lip. My God, was she trying to kill me? Or better yet, was my dick trying to kill me by liking everything this woman did? I shifted myself underneath the table in attempt to lift the massive strain on my jeans at the moment, though in doing such movement, it brought little relief.

“What?” I asked, looking back up at Bella, and she had moved her plate and was now leaning closer to me, her arms folded in front of her. She was still biting her lip, and there was a crease between her eyebrows. I was usually distracted by her beauty, but things like the ridiculously low-cut blue tank top and tiny shorts made me lose my capacity to think. 

Now that I could stare at her face unobserved,  I could see things I had never seen before. Under her wide, chocolate brown eyes, there were dark circles  that had looked like she had attempted to cover them up; she looked like she hadn’t slept properly in days. Bella was also pale, almost in the extreme, and I could make out the veins underneath her skin, pulsating and blue.

As I moved my gaze down to the line of her neck and down to her exposed shoulder, I noticed a splattering of tiny scars that curved over her it and onto her arm. They were thin little raised lines, and I wondered what could cause such a thing. They looked like they had been deep at one time, so it surely must have been painful. I filed that observation under one of the many mysteries of Bella Swan.

“This is wrong,” Bella answered.  I whipped my head up, afraid that Bella had caught me staring at her scars, but she was still looking down towards the table. Her voice was sad, and I could see the sadness on her face now. I ached to reach over and cup her face with my hand, but I knew I couldn’t, so I settled for setting one of my hands on top of hers. I again felt the inexplicable jolt I had always felt whenever we had physical contact, and I knew Bella could feel it too, by the way her eyes widened at out hands and her mouth making a tiny ‘o’ in surprise.

“You mean this?” My voice sounded angry, and I was surprised at my reaction. I could feel her try and move her hand away from mine, but I kept a firm grasp on her, I didn’t want to give up on this feeling that was passing between us, and I really didn’t want to Bella to bolt, like I felt she was going to. Bella still wasn’t looking at me, and I needed her to answer me, so I pulled out another ballsy Edward move, and put my finger underneath her chin, tilting it up so she would have to face me. It worked, but her eyes were still downcast, eluding me.

“Bella, look at me.” She looked up, and her eyes were so incredibly sad, it made my hard on immediately deflate. “Why is this wrong?” I asked, as I stared into her eyes, probing.

“It will hurt.” Bella stared back at me, and I could tell her in face that she truly believed that. I stupidly felt joy, because it solidified the idea that Bella felt something for me, and that she was only trying push me away out of fear.

Bella went to move her face from my finger and escape my gaze, but I refused to let her. I wanted to make myself clear and show her that she didn’t have to be afraid of me, so I threw out the whole not-cupping-her-face thing, and moved my hand to her cheek and started rubbing small circles there with my thumb. It was something Esme used to do when I was little, so I figured it would work as a comforting gesture for Bella. She looked surprised by the movement, but she didn’t flinch. I took that as a good sign.

“I could never hurt you,” I said, trying to convey with my voice and with my eyes that this was the truth, and that she could trust me. She closed her eyes, and I feared she’d slap my hand away, but she didn’t. Instead, she leaned into my hand and sighed. After an immeasurable moment, Bella opened her eyes and moved my hand from her face, taking it in both of hers before placing it back on the table in front of us. She held her hand over mine for a small second, perhaps in thanks, before pulling both of hers under the table.

“I‘m not worried about myself,” Bella spoke finally as she looked back down at the table. I frowned in confusion, and I was about to ask what she meant by that, when I was interrupted.

“Sorry ’bout the wait,” a rather high pitched female voice said, and I recognized it vaguely as the girl who took our order, but I wasn’t quite sure  since I was still staring at Bella, who was now tracing patterns in the woodgrain with her finger. The server/waitress/whatever was babbling on, and I barely paid attention, my focus completely on Bella. “… but here’s your turkey club.”  A plate was placed in front of me, and I glanced down to see that was in fact the turkey club I had ordered, and looked back up in time to see Bella staring daggers at girl who just placed my food in front of me. I followed Bella’s gaze and I finally looked at our server. She was looking right at me, and she licked her lips before smiling at me.

“Thank you,” I answered politely and a little confused. The girl’s smile grew wide and she placed her hand on my shoulder, not noticing that I stiffened at her touch.

“If there is anything else you need, please let me know,” she said in her high-pitched baby voice, winking at me before before walking away. I turned to look back at Bella, and I caught her rolling her eyes and muttering under her breath. I didn’t catch all of it, but it sounded something like “cheap ass blonde”, was thrown in there.

“So, did that girl run over your cat or something?” I picked up my sandwich and began eat it.  It was good, though not quite orgasm brownie good, but still pretty decent all the same.

“Pfft,” Bella huffed before taking a sip of her latte. “Some people lack I professionalism these days.” Bella’s eyes moved to the server’s direction again, and she narrowed her eyes.

“I thought she was professional.” I said, not completely understanding what the hell was going on between Bella and the girl who had brought me my sandwich. This time Bella rolled her eyes at me. 

“You can’t be serious,” Bella muttered in disbelief as she looked at me for the first time since before we were interrupted. “She was practically drooling all over you. I thought she would straddle you right here.” Bella gestured to the table, and I finally put two and two together. Bella was jealous of our server.  Because said server was flirting with me. I tried not to laugh and not sound a little overjoyed at that fact when I answered her back.

“Really?” I said in mock interest and began to look back in the server’s direction. I was not interested in her at all, but I wanted to see what Bella’s reaction was. She didn’t disappoint as I felt her swat my arm, and I looked back at her with a crooked smile. Bella’s face had been accusing, but when I had smiled at her, her expression went blank. She sat like that for a few seconds before shaking her head and then looking at me in the eye.

“Jesus, Edward. Are you really that unaware of yourself that you don’t notice the way most women look at you? How they’re willing to throw themselves at you? Miss blonde hussy over there… “  I knew now that Bella was distracting me from our conversation before we were interrupted, and I wanted to talk to her about what she meant again, but I was also really eager to see how the whole ‘Bella is jealous’ played out, so I went along with it.

“Did you just say ‘hussy’?” I interrupted, and Bella glared at me. Apparently our server wasn’t the only one Bella could stare daggers at, and I was actually starting to enjoy her “bitchface”.   Her anger was amusing, like a kitten trying to be a tiger. “Sorry,”  I said and gestured for her to continue.

“I did,” Glare. “but like I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me,” Bella narrowed her eyes at me and this time I couldn’t stop the laugh that came out, and I tried to cover it with a cough. “She is just the most blatant one so far today. You probably didn’t even notice how most of the women in this shop looked at you when you walked in. How they are looking at you now.” Bella said quietly and then looked around her. I followed her eyes, and true to her word, there was a woman in the corner glancing over at me from behind her laptop, and another woman who seemed to be here with another man, not even making it a secret that she was staring at me. I looked down, uncomfortable. I knew that I was a decent looking guy, and I had been told by women before that they found me attractive, but I never really took it to heart. I guess I still thought of myself as an awkward looking teenager, and as any other clumsy person would tell you, I hated eyes focused on me.

 “I guess I never really notice these things,” I shrugged, and Bella raised her eyebrow at me.  “I spend a lot time in my own head.”

“So you’re honestly telling me you don’t notice that women find you beautiful beyond all reason?” My eyes bolted back to Bella, and her eyes were open wide in fear with her mouth wide, like she herself couldn’t believe what she just said.

Did she just say- No. My mind ran laps as I was pretty staggered. Did she just call me beautiful? No, not just beautiful, she called me ‘beautiful beyond all reason’. Who calls a man that anyways? I had used a similar description for Bella before, but for her to use the same word for me? That was mind-boggling.

I was however, elated that Bella would think of me that way, despite how absurd it was.

“Excuse me?” A smile was threatening to break out on my lips, and Bella looked like someone had just caught her red handed, which I suppose I just did. “What did you just call me?”

“Hmm?” Bella bit her lip and looked everywhere but at me. “I don’t really remember.” She shrugged in nonchalance, but blushed wildly, giving away her lie. Not that I would have believed her anyways, I’m not that stupid. Plus it looked like being a good liar was not one of Bella’s strong points. 

“I really think you do,” I murmured. I noticed there that we had again unconsciously leaned towards each other over the table, so that now my chest was hovering over my sandwich and Bella’s face was close to mine, like we were in a secret conversation, and it probably looked like we were lovers. If only, I laughed inwardly.

“I’m beautiful beyond all reason, huh?” I asked, and Bella’s face was a vibrant shade of red.

“Like you didn’t know that already,” Bella argued, but missed her admittance that had slipped out.

“No, I didn’t know that you thought of me that way.” A smile crept across my face and I felt a bit smug. She knew I had caught her, and she opened her mouth to respond, but quickly closed it again. I chuckled.

“Smug bastard,” she mumbled, though smiling a bit despite herself. She sighed and then moved her hidden hands back on the table so she could look at them instead of looking at me. “Fine. I think you’re beautiful-”

“Beyond all reason,” I interrupted.

“Yes, beyond all reason. Can we drop it now?” Bella was extremely embarrassed, but I didn’t feel too bad, she could consider it as payback for not warning me before falling over that box yesterday.

“Sure,” I laughed, “Though, just so you know, I don’t think that’s an apt description for myself. I think it fits better for someone else.” Bella looked confused and I looked pointedly at her. Realization sparked her face, and I saw several emotions flicker across her face; surprise, incredulity, a few more that passed too quickly before I could decipher them, and then she finally looked…touched?

“Me?” she asked, and she looked around like she thought I was speaking of some incredible beauty that had somehow appeared behind her.

“Yes, you.” The emotion flicked by again. She was touched.

“You continue to surprise me, Cullen.” Bella smiled at me, and I smiled back. It was just so easy to be with her. Smiles were never forced, and we both called each other out on our shit. I never felt awkward and fumbling with her, I felt quite the opposite actually, which is a surprise for me. Bella shook her head and smiled to herself before continuing. “You’re ability to go from a smug bastard to saying something like that… now that’s amazing.”

“You know what’s amazing?” I countered, taking another bite of my sandwich.

“And what would that be?” Bella said, cradling her mug between both her hands.

“You’re ability to distract from a conversation.” Bella looked from her mug to me with surprise, and then any joy that had been sparked by our joking was sucked out of her, and it was replaced by pain and sadness. I almost regretted bringing it up again, but I needed to know what she had meant before.

“Bella,” I said, looking into her eyes. She didn’t look away this time, but they still looked incredibly sad. “What did you mean, you’re not worried about yourself?”  

Bella ran her hands through her hair and leaned back against her chair, giving herself some space. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before answering me.

“It’s not me I’m worried about getting hurt. I’ve been hurt plenty of times in my life, and I’ve survived.”

“Then who…” I trailed off, realization hitting me like a ton of bricks at the same time she spoke.

“You, Edward. You’ll get hurt, and I can’t have that happen. Not ever.” Bella had opened her eyes now, and she was looking at me with determination; she meant what she said.

Why was she so worried about hurting me, though? I could never see Bella hurting someone intentionally, physically or emotionally, and I can surely take care of myself in both of those situations. Even the fact that she wasn’t at all worried about getting herself hurt, which seemed incredibly selfless in my eyes, added to my conviction that Bella was not capable of the hurt she was afraid of causing me.

“I…don’t understand.” I said. Bella looked like she was debating something and sat thinking for a moment. She sat back up in the chair so that she was again leaning over the table, though not as close as before. “Eat your sandwich,” she said, and I almost laughed she sounded like my mother. I picked it up and took a large bite, hoping that would be good enough for her to continue. Part of me knew I was probably torturing myself with this, but as always, I wanted to figure out the inner workings of Bella’s mind.

“I wasn’t joking when I said I was fucked up. You don’t know the shades of fucked up I am,“ she said bitterly, and I flinched. I really didn’t like her describing herself like that. “I‘ve been through shit I‘m not going to describe here, but Edward, you have to understand, it‘s not a good idea to get close to me.”  

I was shocked at her admission. How could she think that about herself? Had someone told her that? If that was true, I wanted to punch them in the face. Repeatedly. Huh, I thought, that’s interesting. I’m normally a non-violent person…

“I don’t believe that,” I said, and she looked taken aback, before settling into determination again.

“You have to believe me,” she pleaded.

“Bella, I want to be your friend.” I actually wanted way more than that, but one has to take baby steps in this type of situation, “So can’t we just try?” I pleaded back, I hoped the desperation in my voice wasn’t too apparent. Bella closed her eyes again and bit her lip, she looked like she was in so much pain. I hated that I was pushing this, but I had to. She was trying to push me away and I couldn’t allow her to do it, I needed her too much now.

“We can’t,” Bella said softly, and the determination had left her eyes and was replaced with defeat.

“Why not? And don’t give that hurting me bullshit, because Bella, I can take care of myself, and if I get hurt, so be it. It won’t be the first time.” I took an angry bite from my sandwich, finishing it up. I was looking down at my now empty plate when I felt a warm hand on top of mine. I looked at Bella’s tiny hand on mine, and then looked at her. She was looking at me, and her features softened before she answered me.

“I want to be your friend too. Despite what you’ve seen of me the past few days, you have made my life a lot better lately.” She smiled lightly.

“But?” I said, since I knew it was coming.

“But, I can’t. We can’t. I already c-” Bella was interrupted by a shrill ring of a cell phone, and she removed her hand from mine to reach for her bag. I was left gaping at her and frozen in my spot, my hand actually aching at the absence that her hand had left. What the hell was she going to say? I nearly went crazy as she rifled through her obscenely large handbag , and then finally pulling out her phone. She looked down at the screen and frowned.

“I have to take this, is that alright?” she asked quickly, and I nodded since I feared that if I opened my mouth now, I might not be able to control my voice. Bella sighed and flipped her phone open, muttering a soft “hey” to whoever was on the other line, and moved to take her conversation outside. Once she was gone, I rubbed my hands on my face and banged it against the table once for good measure. I had a million questions in my mind, and any answer Bella gave me was causing more questions. What was she going to say before she was cut off? My jealous thoughts were wondering who she was talking to that was so important, and my most dreaded thought, what if she decided we couldn’t even be friends? I groaned and slammed my head against the table again, letting it lie there for awhile.

You have got yourself into quite a mess there, Cullen, I groaned inwardly at myself.  Stupid idiot for falling for someone like Bella. Wait, did I just say ‘falling for’?  Shit, I am an idiot.

“Edward?”, Bella called and I felt her hand on my shoulder. I lifted my head off the table and looked up to see Bella looking at me, worried. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I choked out, clearing my throat to make me sound more believable. “Really.” Bella didn’t look at all convinced but she sat back down in front of me anyway.

“Are you sure you’re not sick? You look sick.” I really didn’t know where all this concern was coming from, hadn’t she just been telling me we shouldn’t be friends?

“I’m fine.” I assured her, and I was about to ask what she was going to say before, but she spoke first.

“I was thinking about what you said while I was outside, and I want to try, us being friends I mean.” She was so wary, like a scared little girl. I was relieved though, she wanted to try, and she was willing to do it despite her fears. It wasn’t completely ideal, but I would take it.

“That’s good,” I said, trying not to sound too eager. “ I like being your friend. I mean, who else feeds me delicious brownies and calls me beautiful all in the same day?”

“Hmm,” Bella pondered before breaking into a huge grin. “Maybe your mom?” The surprise must have been clear on my face because Bella started laughing.

“Did you just seriously do a ‘your mom’ joke?”

“What, surprise you again, Cullen?” Bella smiled widely, and I couldn’t help but join her.

“Always do, Swan.”

**~**~**

“I don’t believe that there aren’t women throwing themselves at you.”

“I didn’t say that.” It was a slow Monday morning, and Bella was hanging out in the romance section with me, while I was making room for a new series novels that had just come in. This one was about a globetrotting pirate named Jack Bird, and he got it on with a series of attractive wenches, and once and a while, a Lady or two. I haven’t read that shit, it’s how its described in the back.
Okay, I might have read the first couple chapters, but it was only because the woman on the front that was this close exposing her left nipple, and she had long brown hair, like Bella,  which ended up making me hard again, which was  totally inappropriate since she was my friend/boss.

It had been a few weeks since I first started working at Books and Things. I had gotten into the swing of things at the store pretty quickly, and I had thought that once we had settled into this friend thing we were doing, being with Bella would become easier.

It didn’t. I was still incredibly attracted to her, and I was now having reoccurring dreams that involved fucking her in a variety of ways. Last night’s version had me taking her from behind as she gripped the bookshelves in her hands, books falling around us as I thrust into her. I had to tend to myself to for a while before I could even think about going to work, and even now I was very much wavering in my control.

On top of that problem, Bella and I were becoming extremely close, and even though we didn’t always work on the same days anymore, I would still talk to her everyday. Our nightly phone calls continued, and they now spanned into hours. We talked about almost everything, sometimes just even watching an episode of The Simpsons together over the phone; we were just sometimes just content in hearing each others laughter.

I learned a lot about Bella, such as that her favorite gem stone was topaz and that she loved the scents of strawberry and vanilla. She told me about some of the friends she had in the city, and I told her about Seth and Garrett. I remember cringing when she suggested we all hang out one day; Seth and Garrett were my oldest and closest friends, but they could be pretty obnoxious sometimes and I doubted Bella could actually have a good time around them.

I also learned some clues to why Bella considered herself fucked up. At first it I was intrigued, but now what I was noticing seemed darker than I anticipated. Bella never talked about her past, and when I asked, she would draw into herself and mutter short answers. I never got more than that she was born in Phoenix and lived there until mother died, and that’s when she moved to Forks. I had actually googled the name after she told me, because I couldn’t believe that there was actually a place named after a utensil.  I found that there was in fact a town in Washington that was named Forks, and that it rained there more than anywhere else in the continental U.S.  She told me that she didn’t mind it, she said the constant greenery and heavy clouds were comforting. To me it sounded depressing.

She never talked about her parents. No anecdotes, no fond memories, or even bad ones for that matter. When I asked about her dad, she would just curtly reply that she only remembered him leaving, and not much else. Information about her mother would be even less helpful, and I could hear the panic in her voice when I brought it up, so I stopped asking about them altogether. Her pain was not worth it, even though it was almost killing me with all the mysteries surrounding Bella.

So all in all, I was pretty fucked. I was attracted Bella, and attached to her emotionally. I wanted Bella but I couldn’t have her, not in the way I wanted anyways. Trying to act like I didn’t feel any of this was getting increasingly hard to hide, and I wondered sometimes if she could easily see right through me.

“That’s a tad cocky coming from you,” Bella mused from her spot on the floor, breaking me from my reverie, and I flushed, raking my fingers in my hair in frustration and making it more a mess than it already was.

I rubbed my hands on my face and groaned. “That didn‘t come out the way I wanted it to.” She looked as amused as I was flustered, and I almost expected her to pull out a bag of popcorn and settle down for a good show. “What I meant to say was it’s not like I have a hard time meeting women, because I don‘t.” Jesus, this was still sounding cocky, even to me. “I just don’t actively go out there looking for them, and plus, like I told you, I’m usually pretty awkward so usually after one conversation with me, they come to their senses and run.”

This was horribly self-depreciating, but I was telling the truth. I couldn’t count how many times I had been at a charity function with my parents, or even just random college parties, where some nice, pretty girl would strike up a conversation or start dancing with me, only to quickly find out that behind my looks, I was an awkward conversationalist and a spastic dancer, and they would quickly move on to someone else.

“I still don’t believe it,” she mused quietly, and I rolled my eyes at her as I turned back to put more of that ridiculous pirate book on the shelf. “Really, Edward. I agree that you can sometimes make some awkward comments, but I find that you are usually pretty charming.”

“Now I don’t believe that,” I scoffed. Me, charming? I wanted to laugh out loud.

“You don’t see yourself very clearly, do you,?“ she asked. Besides being ridiculously good looking, you are funny, smart, and you could charm the pants off of any woman if you wanted to.” I nearly fell over with laughter. Bella had obviously not seen me interacting with many people before.

“Are you quoting Zoolander?”

“I‘m serious, Cullen. It’s all true, you just need to see yourself that way.”

“I should keep you around  for confidence boosts,” I joked. “ I do wonder though if I’m doing an adequate job of charming the pants off you?” I had been doing these flirty, borderline inappropriate comments quite a bit with Bella now, and I would either get an eye roll and a sarcastic comment, or at other times I would get a blush. I lived for those times.

“I’m still wearing them, aren’t I?” Her tone was sarcastic, but when I quickly glanced behind me, there was faint pink tone to her cheeks. I turned back and smiled to myself. She would not be getting the last word in this one.

“All in good time, Swan.” I didn’t turn to look back this time, but I did hear  her tsk loudly. We were silent for a few minutes as I put more books up, wondering how Bella got away with spending so much time hanging out with me when we were at work. Maybe moving up in the company meant you could do whatever the hell you wanted.

“Speaking of women throwing themselves at you,” Bella said, breaking our silence, “Were you ever going to tell me about what happened with Irina?”  I whipped back around to face her, not knowing what the fuck she was talking about, and Bella was obviously grinning at my reaction.

“Who the hell is Irina?” I asked, a little too loud seeing as I was at work. Bella’s grin widened and then ran her hands flippantly through one of the books beside her.

“Well I guess you never really found out her name. You probably know her as ‘The Cougar’ .” Bella quirked her eyebrow at me expectantly, and I wanted to go crawl into a hole and die. She knew about that? I’m so glad that event has the ability to torture me for weeks on end.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lied, turning back to face the bookshelf in order to hide my embarrassment.

“Oh, so some forty-something woman didn’t try to feel you up near the erotica section then?” Bella said, barely containing a laugh.

Oh God, this was not happening.

“How do you know about that?” I groaned as I stared at the bookshelf in front of me like it was the entry way to Narnia or something. “And how do you know her name?”

“We’ve had problems with her and her accosting male staff members before, and Betty told me right after I got back from my break that day. I could barely make out what she was trying say she was laughing so much.” Bella was barely containing her laughter now, and a few giggles had escaped from her lips.

“What I don’t understand is, how did you let her get that far? And please don’t tell me you have some older woman fetish, because I really don’t need to know those kind of things.”

“I don’t know. It all happened so fast, and then I didn’t know what to do. She was a customer and I didn’t want to be rude.” I shrugged, still not looking at Bella.

“So you let her basically assault you?”   Her voice was more serious now, and I didn’t hear her get up, but I suddenly her hand was on my shoulder. This was another thing that was sort of odd in our relationship, because although we had agreed on being friends, Bella continued to touch me, and touch me often. Sometimes it was just a friendly pat on the arm, or her head leaning on my shoulder, but other times she would do things that were not quite the way friends touched. Like sometimes her hand would linger on mine a little longer than needed, and a few times she had traced her hands on my face. Not that I was complaining, I loved it, and I was totally guilty of the same thing. I hugged her when she looked like she needed it, and I would often touch her as much as I could. Every time we did, I could still feel that electrical pulse move between us, and once removed, I almost felt physical pain from its loss. I turned, and Bella was looking up at me expectantly. I looked into her big brown eyes and got lost in them, quickly forgetting any response I was going to give her.

“Listen, Edward,” she said before lightly placing her hand on my forearm. “You can’t allow people to do that to you. And I don’t care if she was a customer, she shouldn’t treat you like that. I mean, what if a man had done the same thing to me?”

“I’d kick his ass,” I said, suddenly angry. I would hunt a man down if they ever laid a finger on her. The idea of someone doing to Bella what The Cougar had done to me was horrifying.

“Exactly. I’d get help or I would fight back. Just because you’re a guy it doesn’t mean you have to take something like that. So next time, fight back.”

“I really hope there won’t be a next time, but I promise I will.”

“Good.” Bella smiled and I swear, it was one of the sweetest smiles I had ever seen, and I sucked in a ragged breath. She was close enough to smell the scent of strawberries on her hair, and I could feel my mouth water. Bella’s eyes unfocused for a moment and she licked her lips, seeming to break the motion mid lick (Oh dear Lord, that was hot), and looked down at her watch.

“Oh look! It’s time for your break!” She held her wrist up to my face in order show me that it was in fact time for my lunch break,  “Don’t worry, I’ll finish up here,” Bella said before turning to put the rest of the books in order. I was still a bit staggered, so I just muttered an “okay”, and left to take my lunch. Bella was such a bundle of contradictions and moods, it was sometimes hard to keep up with them, and today was no exception. The only question was, could I survive them without screwing this up?

I ended up going and getting a hot dog at vendor down the street, and decided to sit outside and eat my lunch since it was a beautiful day. It was sunny and warm, but not overwhelmingly so. Seeing as it was almost the end of May, the humid heat of the summer in the city would be hitting soon, and I was glad that I at least got to work in an air-conditioned store all summer.

On that bench, my thoughts once again revolved around Bella. I was having a hard time figuring out what Bella exactly wanted from me since she would say one thing but do another. There was no doubt that she was attracted to me, I had seen enough proof of that, she liked me, and we were pretty much spending all of our time together, so why was she trying so hard to not move forward? We were practically dating already. She had told me that she was afraid of hurting me, but was that a real fear or just an excuse?

Maybe there’s someone else, and that thought fucking scared me. Could there be someone else? Bella was attractive, smart, and fun to be with, so why wouldn’t there be someone? But then, wouldn’t she have mentioned something like that by now? If there was someone, I wanted to bash his face in.

Oh God, I’m jealous and willing to beat up a guy that may or may not even exist. Bella might be the one saying she’s fucked up, but I’m pretty sure that’s not too far off the mark for me as well.

This was all foreign to me, I had never felt this way about a woman, and I was not used to have all theses intense feelings. On top of that, it was epically frustrating having these feelings not knowing if Bella would ever feel the same way.

I had never ever been so completely entranced by woman before in my life. Even with Tanya, who I considered the love of my life even after she stomped on my heart I had cared for Tanya immensely, and since we were together for so long, loving her seemed like the natural thing to do.

We were so young when we got together, and we only started dating after I felt her up at our school dance, and we just sort of fell into being boyfriend and  girlfriend. She was pretty, smart, and completely appropriate. But I never really wanted to know her, she had never made want to unravel her secrets, never mystified and entranced me, and never in our entire four year relationship, had made me feel as comfortable as Bella had in the last few weeks. 

The logical part of my brain told me this could become very complicated, that falling for someone this fast was already heading for disaster, creating the great likelihood that I could get my heart crushed, again. The question was, did I want to risk it?

Barely contemplating that for minute , I knew my answer.
 
Of course I did. Falling for Bella could either be the best decision of my life, or the worst. It could bring me undeniable joy, or bring me pain worse than anything I have ever felt before. But the mere chance that it could be wonderful was enough for me to want to try. My heart be damned.

**~**~**

After I had finished lunch, I felt a little more at ease, having made a decision about what I wanted to do, or I guess, let me feel the way I wanted to feel and not fight it. All I had to do now was try, and hope that everything would work out in the end. It didn’t end all my troubled thoughts, but helped alleviate it some.

I was walking back to my section when I heard someone yelling from over in the history section. It was a man’s voice, and he seemed pretty irate. I wandered over to where the sound was coming from, and was about to pick up one of the in store phones to call for someone, but I distinctly heard Bella’s voice trying to diffuse the situation, though from the sounds of it, she wasn’t having much luck.

“You are the largest store in the area! What the hell do you mean you don’t have it?” the man yelled, and instead of picking the phone up and calling security, I began to move quickly to where I would find them.

“I’m sorry Sir, we just don’t have it in stock right now. It’s a limited edi-”

“I don’t care if it’s a God damn limited edition, your store promises to have any book any one could possibly need! And YOU don’t have this one?” He was continuing to sound more and more angry, and I really wanted to know why he was getting so worked up over some book.

“Again, I apologize for the inconvenience, but we don’t currently have the book in stock. We can order it though, and have the book here in a couple of weeks,” Bella replied politely, although I could hear in her voice that she wasn’t going to let him walk all over her. Good girl, stand up for yourself.

I found them just as the man was getting right into her face, snarling and pointing his finger at her. “I don’t want to order it in you little bitch! You’re supposed to fucking have it in!” In that moment, I saw Bella’s face go white, and she immediately began to cower, bringing her hands up as if she was trying to protect herself from impending blows. She looked terrified. I don’t know what came over me, but I felt the overwhelming need to protect her, and running faster than I had ever run in my life, I pushed myself in between Bella and the man, acting as a sort of shield for her.

“What’s going on here?” I said, thick with anger. The man was surprised by my sudden appearance, but he still seemed irate.

“I was looking for this book, and this little bitch told me it wasn’t in.” I could smell alcohol on his breath now that I was close, and I wanted slug him in the mouth for calling Bella a name like that. He obviously didn’t know how to treat women properly.

“Well, when we say it isn’t in, it isn’t in. We’re not hiding it in the back somewhere just to fuck with you.” I was fuming, and I realized in the back of my mind that I was now also yelling, but I didn’t care. He needed to be taught a lesson. “Furthermore, you do not speak to her like that, or speak to any woman like that for that matter. She was trying to help you dickwad, treat her with some respect. Or maybe you’re drunk ass is too stupid to fucking care what you say to her.” I could feel my muscles tensing in my arms, and I was ready to punch this guy in the jaw at any moment. “ You better leave now, before I do something I’ll regret.”

“Why you little shi-” He began to get into my face, and that pushed me over the edge. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I grabbed the man by his collar, and pulled him to me. He was much older than I was, but I was at least several inches taller, so I towered over him.

“Leave.  Now.” I snarled, and I could feel the fire in both my eyes and my voice as I said it. The man took me seriously now, and nodded in what looked like fear. I let go of him, almost flinging him away from me, and he left without a word. The adrenaline was still coursing through my body, and I felt like I was on a strange high. I didn’t know I was capable of acting like that, and no one had ever been physically scared of me, at least that I knew of. The need to protect Bella had completely taken over.

Once I made sure the man was far away from us, and I turned to look at Bella. What I found when I did frightened me to my very core.

She was now sitting against the wall behind her, her knees to her chest, and she was rocking back and forth. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands were over her ears. I walked towards her slowly, like she was a frightened deer about to bolt, and as I got closer I noticed that she was shaking and muttering to herself.

“Stop, please. no no no no no no no…”

“Bella? Are you okay?” I asked softly, but she didn’t seem to hear me.  If anything, her muttering started going quicker and her body seemed to vibrate harder. It was fucking terrifying to watch her breakdown.

“Shh, Bella. It’s just me, Edward. Can you hear me?”

“Please make it stop,” Bella said, and her voice sounded so far away, I wasn’t sure if she was responding to me or whatever had her trapped in her head. I reached my hand out to touch her knee, but she flinched.

“I promise I’ll make it stop, okay?” I said calmly, even though I had no idea at all how to do that. Bella’s shuddering  lessened a fraction, so I tried to touch her once again, moving to my knees so I was eye level with her, tentatively placing my hand on her knee. She flinched initially at the contact, but then she seemed calm down a little bit more. Still leaving one of my hands on her knee, I used the other to pry her hands off ears. Her arms and hands were stiff, but I managed to remove them without hurting her.

“Bella, honey? You need to tell me how to help you,” I tried, hoping that now that her hands gone from her ears she could hear me. I raised my hand that was at her knee and moved it to her cheek, rubbing circles with my thumb. It had seemed to work last time when she was upset at the coffee shop, and I hoped it wouldn’t hurt now.

“Edward?” she asked.

“Yes, hun. It’s me.” I didn’t know where ‘hun’ and ‘honey’ were coming from, but it seemed to fit for right now. Bella slowly opened her eyes, looking like she was afraid about what she would see there.

“Edward.” Her face relaxed, but now that I could see her eyes, I could see that they were blank, and the shadows under her eyes seemed even more pronounced.

“Bella, please. You need to tell me what do. Tell me how to help.”

“Keep me here with you,” she answered, her voice still so scared.

“I’m here,” I replied, but Bella started shuddering harder again, so I grabbed her gently by the arms and pulled her into my lap, so that she was cradled against my chest. I rocked both of us back and forth, holding her tight to me, trying to protect her from whatever was haunting her now. I needed to keep her safe and keep myself from losing it and going after that asshole who started all this. I had never felt so much anger and rage in my life.

Bella was crying quietly into my shirt, and I could feel her tears coming through it. She was mumbling almost incoherently, muffled partly by my chest, but I was able to pick up some of it. She kept telling me to stay, and crying my name. I told her that it was going to be alright, that I was there, and that she was safe now. I rocked her for a few minutes, and she seemed to calm down a bit. After a while, my back began to hurt from the awkward position I was in, so I pulled Bella closer and turned slowly so that I could lean against the wall. I pressed my lips to her head and breathed her in, smelling strawberries again. I kept my arms around her, tucked her under my chin, and we sat still for an immeasurable amount of time until Bella began to still, and the only sounds that could be heard were her quiet sobs.

I don’t know how long we sat there, but it seemed like hours. I knew I should have called somebody, but she seemed so fragile that I feared if I moved her now, even just to call for help, she would break. So I just sat there, holding her. 

“What the…?” I heard someone call out, and I looked up to find Betty standing in front of us. What is it with all the people who worked here? Did they take special classes on how to quietly sneak up on people?

Betty looked at me, and then to Bella’s huddled form, and then back to me.

“Edward, what the hell happened? Is she alright?” She seemed genuinely concerned, and I was briefly glad that Bella had other people who cared for her, even if she didn’t think so.

“I don’t know. I mean, I think she is now. Some jerk was yelling at her about not having some book in stock, and she was fine until he got in her face, and that’s when she just broke.” I said, and I shuddered from the memory, seeing clearly how pale she turned and how the light left her eyes.

“Did he hurt her?” Bella flinched a little, and I squeezed her tighter.

“No, I stopped him before he could do anything. Made him leave the store.”

“How did you stop him?” I imagined Betty was worrying about whether she had to worry about a lawsuit.

“Scared him, I guess,” I shrugged, and Betty’s eyes widened in disbelief. I didn’t know whether I should be offended by that or not.

“Should we get her to a hospital?” Betty asked, and Bella’s eyes bolted open with fear.

“No! No hospitals!”

“But Bella honey, maybe you should-” I pleaded before she interrupted me again.

“No hospitals!” she yelped before burying her face back into my chest.

“Well we need to get her out of here regardless. Let’s take her to the breakroom and then we’ll figure out something from there.” I nodded and moved to get up, pulling my arms under Bella’s legs and back to support her as I carried her, Betty hovering over me until I was standing upright. Once I was standing, I noticed how light Bella actually was, and I was again struck about how fragile she was.

Betty walked in front of me as we walked to the breakroom, I guess to make sure that there weren’t any impressionable customers that we could frighten.  Once we got there, I sat down on sofa and continued to hold Bella close to me. She was quiet, and I didn’t know if she was asleep or just out of it.

“Maybe we should call someone, family maybe?” Betty suggested. I was surprised that Betty didn’t know that Bella didn’t have family to call, they had been working for at least a couple of years with each other.

I shook my head. “She has no family, not any I know of anyways. She mentioned a few times that she had a friend called Rosalie. She may know what to do.” Betty nodded and I shifted Bella so Betty could remove her phone from her pocket. Bella didn’t stir when I did that, and that worried me.

Betty called Rosalie, and I placed another kiss on top of Bella’s head while her back was turned. They had a short conversation in which I barely paid attention to, and when she was done, she told me that Rosalie would be here soon to pick Bella up and take her home. I nodded my head, and all three of us sat in silence until there was knock at the door. Betty went to open it, and standing in the door was a very blonde, and very pretty woman. She was tall and lithe, and she held her self with an regal air.

If I was ever intimidated by a woman before, they didn’t hold a candle to Rosalie. Her brilliant blue eyes flicked to me, then to Bella in my arms, and she looked furious.

“What the hell did you do to her?” she fumed as she moved take Bella from me. I wasn’t having that, and kept her tight to my chest.

“I didn’t do anything. Some asshole was yelling at her and she just broke down. I was able to get the guy away from her, but she was already to upset, and now I don’t know what’s wrong,” I said, looking down at Bella. I was still worried about her, she was just so still. Her even breathing was the only comfort that she was okay, physically at least.

“And who are you? Rose asked.  She was still angry, but not as much as when she thought I did something to make Bella like this.

“I’m Edward, Bella’s, er, friend.” I looked at Rose and her faced softened.

“So you’re Edward Cullen. Bella talks a lot about you. I‘m Rosalie Hale,” she said with a small smile.

“I would shake your hand, but well,” I looked pointedly to Bella, and Rose moved closer so she could sit on the coffee table in front of us.

“Does this happen often?” I asked,  still looking at Bella.

“Not often, but it does happen. Maybe a few times a year? I don’t really know. She has these triggers that just cause her to fold into herself.” Rosalie sighed before patting Bella’s head; it was a very mother-like gesture. “I don’t know what causes them, she never talks about it.”

“Is she alright?” I asked, my voice filled with worry.

“She will be. I just need to get her home now and into bed.”

“Okay,” I was relieved that Rosalie seemed to think that Bella would be okay, but I didn’t want to leave her. It was actually causing me anxiety just thinking of letting her go. I knew that I couldn’t just sit with her all day like this, so I obliged and took Bella to Rosalie’s car. Bella didn’t want to let go of me as we were to trying to put her in, and I had to pry her fingers off my shirt. She whimpered as I placed her in the passenger seat, and my heart stung. I had to let her go then, and it killed me to do it, but would could I do? I had no clue how to help Bella.

Rosalie promised to call me later to tell me how Bella was, and she let me know that she would be staying with her until she was better. I felt a little better knowing that Bella wouldn’t be alone, but a big part of me wished it was me who was taking care of her.

I spent the rest of my shift in a haze, not really paying attention to anything. I was so worried and in my own head that a customer had to repeat a question three times before I understood what they were asking for. The shift seemed to drag on, until finally I was able to leave. I checked my phone as I was leaving, but there was still no messages from Rosalie or Bella.

I was not happy.

Once I was home, I took a shower to try and take my mind off what happened, but I kept seeing Bella’s frightened face in my mind. I quickly gave up on that and laid down on my couch to wait for the call from Rosalie that would let me know Bella was alright. She had to be alright.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up, it was dark in my apartment and the only light was coming from the screen of my iphone. I picked it up groggily and saw that I had one new voicemail. Crap! I missed her phone call!

“Hi Edward, it’s Rosalie Hale. I’m just calling to let you know that Bella’s okay. She’s up now, so that’s a good sign. She can’t call you herself right now, but she wanted to let you know that she won’t be at work for a few days, so don’t get her anything. I didn’t really get that part, but maybe you do? Anyways, she said she’ll call you sometime later, when she can.” There was a long pause and I thought that was the end of the message, but then I heard Rosalie talk again.  “It was a bad one this time, I can tell. But I’m glad you were there Edward. It could have been so much worse if you weren’t. So I guess thank you, and call me if you need to, okay? Thanks again. Bye.” The message ended and I was left staring at my phone. What did she mean that it could have been worse? What I had witnessed today was horrible, and it could be worse? My stomach retched, finally grasping what Bella had been saying all along. She was being tormented by something, and it was effecting her more then I ever could have imagined before.

What was worse was that there was nothing I could do. It had killed me to see her like that, so helpless, so fragile. How was I supposed to protect her when what she was afraid of was in her own head?

I stared at the ceiling for a long time before falling into a restless sleep. I hoped Bella would have called me in the morning, but there was nothing. I went to work halfheartedly, knowing that Bella wouldn’t be there.

Bella didn’t call that evening. Or the next day. I didn’t see Bella, or even hear from her for almost a week. And when I did see her, I didn’t like what I saw.